Fatherless

fatherless

I am very open and honest about the kind of relationship I had with my father. He passed away nearly ten years ago after a fifteen year battle with cancer. In the years leading up to his death, I was his support system, but ultimately a child shouldn’t learn, at any age, how much they mattered to a parent at said parent’s funeral.

Today I commend the good fathers out there, though all of my role models on that level are deceased. I wish my cousin a happy first Father’s Day, and I hope that every single Mom out there who plays both roles knows she’s a bad ass.

I hope I’ll be feeling more like myself soon and be back on a more normal posting schedule. I’m not okay, and that’s all I can say for now. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I spent part of my day in Boston visiting my sister, Britt. I’ll be telling you all about her in a future post. Many of you may already know her, but I’d like to tell my side of the story since I don’t know when or if she’ll get around to it. However, I can say it was good. I can’t wait until she comes back. 🙂

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Father’s Day

dadsinheaven

You will find that I am almost completely silent on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I lost both of my parents within five months of each other between 2007 and 2008, so each holiday is difficult for me. My parents were young, making it all the more devastating.

I have a living, constant reminder of my father, but I don’t have one of my mother. People often assume I am exactly the same person as each of my parents and they’re wrong. I am not as ferocious as my father, though I have my moments. I am not as kind, caring, or anywhere near as compassionate as my mother. I simply lack the genetic make-up for those traits. I like to think I am the correct blend of their best qualities, but I’m highly aware that I inherited a fiery temper.

People think that when you lose your parents, you simply keep on living, that you don’t look back on their memory. They would be wrong, at least where I am concerned. There is no way for me to live without honoring the memory of the people I have loved and lost. To do less would be false, and I’m many things, but I’m not false.

On days like these, I can either ignore the issue completely or I suffer. Of course, I’ve been doing a lot of suffering lately, so I can only hope this coming week will be a better one.

To all the fathers, step-fathers, uncles, Grandfathers, & single parents who step up and handle the tough stuff, may today be a reminder of the appreciation bestowed upon you. To all the new Dad’s, welcome to parenting.