Pumpkin Spice and Everything Halloweenish

There was lots to see as people prepare for Halloween and Thanksgiving (I can’t believe I just typed that! Where has the year gone?!). It was extremely busy. There was a Hay Maze, fresh Apple Cider Donuts (Second year in a row I didn’t cave and buy one, or six. I feel slightly proud of this.), and a lot of other food-related things going on, so on occasion, my finger was somehow in the way on certain shots. I apologize, but thought I’d share all the uniqueness of the day. Sundays at the farm aren’t usually this colorful.

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Vampires

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Subsists on Blueberry Cobbler Coffee, Dark Chocolate, Earl Grey Tea, and wears copious amounts of SPF 100. Dislikes the majority of people. Is not outdoorsy. Needs her “beauty sleep”, is a rabid beast if she doesn’t get said sleep, and I legitimately don’t have a single wrinkle on my face. Now we know how rumors get started. 😉

Tomato Festival 2018

Here are some photos I took at this year’s Tomato Festival in Lexington, Massachusetts. Wilson Farm has featured my photos before from various events on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. If ever you’re in Eastern Massachusetts and want a cool place to visit during Spring, Summer, or Fall, just Google them. It’s easy to find and you’ll enjoy the farm-to-table freshness they offer.

I tried capturing all the different types of Heirloom Tomatoes available this year. I didn’t even know this many types existed, and I’m certain I missed some as there were a lot of people crowded around these tables. I included a couple of shots from “The Berry Table” because the colors spoke to me, and I enjoy photographing daily things in my own way.

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At least this year, I was not inundated with pumpkins. I don’t want to see one until October 1st. There have to be some rules! #ImBanningPumpkinSpiceUntilFallStarts

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These photos are copyright © 2018 by Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. They are also protected under the Digital Millennium copyright act. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

I’d Frown, But…

I’d frown, but I have no wrinkles and don’t want to age prematurely. 😉

I thought I’d say hello and let you all know I’m semi-alive. I’ve been working on a piece these past few weeks, but have had a lot of setbacks that have kept me at a 70/30 percentage in terms of completing projects. It’s not the topic or anything other than how awful I’ve been feeling. It’s hard to sum it all up, but I think the upcoming piece will shed a lot of light on my current mental state and hopefully, someone will gain something out of knowing their thoughts are not solo thoughts; others share them, in different ways.

The summer has seemingly blown by. Normally, I look forward to Fall and even more so, my birthday, but this year, I’ve decided to have zero expectations since I know that from a life perspective, I am living on borrowed time. I don’t mean that in a maudlin way, though. I suppose I am feeling my mortality these days. I might also have low blood sugar or low caffeine levels; one can never tell.

Under normal circumstances, I write every single day. I haven’t been doing that for a while now, but I can hope for the best and just keep pushing on. I won’t make promises I can’t keep. From one day to the next, I am never quite certain what will happen, or how I will feel.

So for now, I’m checking in and saying hello to everyone who still reads/follows. I welcome the new readers and I look forward to sharing something I am almost finished with soon.

Enjoy the end of summer, everyone!

copyright © 2018 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Dazed, Confused, and Out Of Sorts

I’m running out of ways to describe my current state of mind. Earlier this week I had a different sense of self, and then I came home to discover I had lost my house key and the remote for the alarm. Thankfully, they were found and brought to “Lost & Found”. I received a return call the following morning letting me know they were safe and sound, and that I could come and get them, which I did on Thursday. You cannot imagine how stupid I felt in the moment, especially considering my history. I have had a set of house keys since I was eleven years old. I still have keys for every place I’ve ever lived, except my last place of residence where I tossed the keys onto the front lawn on the final day of moving. That was my way of shedding myself of the negativity of a horrible experience that is still haunting and affecting me on a daily basis. It wasn’t an exact science, but in the moment, I didn’t want to physically be carrying around a physical memory filled with pain.

I don’t normally lose something I tend to keep my eye on. That error made me so upset, and it made me question myself for days. It was an enormous “What the fuck is wrong with you?” moment, at least for me. I know many people will say I am human, no one is perfect, and/or shit happens, etc., but I take my responsibilities seriously. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesn’t know me at all.

Despite that incident, I had an extremely productive neurology consult with a new doctor. I waited nearly six months to see her, and I was definitely feeling iffy walking into the situation. After going through all of the standard questions, a quick baseline test, and doing a neuro history to rule out what I have and haven’t tried, she immediately discussed the treatment method with me that she feels I am the best candidate for. I was relieved to hear someone cut through all the bullshit and go straight to precisely what I have wanted to do migraine-wise for the past six years. I have a three to six month wait, but she feels it will be worth it, and I am hopeful. It’s by no means a cure; I will still get migraines, but after my first year of treatment, I shouldn’t be getting daily migraines any more, or migraines that last for weeks at a time. In less than three years, I have had eighty migraine-free days. That isn’t even two straight months without searing pain. To be taken seriously right out of the gate and have someone treat me with such respect was truly a bit of a shock. As I’ve likely said before, my faith and trust in the medical community is basically nonexistent. In the past year, I have met three good doctors and maybe one or two decent medical professionals, but everyone else has been a medical failure, and for me, even one medical failure is one too many.

When I explained the appointment to my brother and told him how it went, he asked me what I am supposed to do for my migraines for the next three to six months. His exact words were “What are you supposed to do in the meantime? Chew Excedrin?” It was a valid question, and it reminded me that I had not asked for an abortive, so I will call ASAP and see if my doctor is willing to get Relpax approved until the new treatment begins. Thus far, my insurance company has been very on the ball with nearly all of the things I’ve needed, so I hope this won’t become a battle. I honestly can’t handle another moment where I have to battle anyone or anything. I am mostly a basket case (which is truly nothing to joke about) on Promethazine. As it turns out, stress really DOES affect us far more than we realize.

I have seen myself decline in a dramatic way over the past year. I have never felt more “off” or out of touch with myself than I am now. Being chronically ill isn’t fun, nor is it glamorous. It is a daily battle just to get out of bed. This is something people don’t seem to realize, unless it’s happening to them.

I am having a difficult time wrapping my mind around the fact that it is June. I rarely say “I want to go back to this month and start over.”, but I have definitely been feeling like this quite a bit lately. The heat waves and then 30-40 degree drops in temperature have taken their toll on me. But from here on out, I expect this to be a disturbingly hot summer and I am stressed with the thought of trying to navigate through it. I don’t want to deal with being sick, dehydrated, and isolated. There’s not much I can really do about any of these things, but the knowledge that it’s all headed my way is genuinely too much for me.

I am trying to keep up with everything here and still live my daily life. The truth is, my daily life is exceedingly dull and unhappy. I lack the ability to be fake and pretend it’s something it isn’t. So while I am clearly not writing as much as I would like, I am still doing the best I can. I thank everyone who has stuck with me all these years, for better or worse. Having an outlet for my thoughts is important to me.

Hopefully I will be able to write more this summer. I can’t make any promises, but I can try my best.  Here’s hoping I achieve more than heatstroke over the next few months.

copyright © 2018 Lisa Marino & Blackbird Serenity, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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